The more you put off dealing with painful emotions, the longer it will take for you to start feeling better. Invite them over for dinner. And forcing yourself to stay in a negative state of mind won’t change the situation. But there are things you can do to support yourself through the healing process and protect your emotional wellbeing. You can do it! No two people are alike and therefore no two breakups are alike. However, an important part of the healing process is the support of friends and family. At times it will feel like soft waves that come and go. If you’re dealing with the loss of a loved one, this might bring up some feelings of guilt. “Sometimes by doing that, you unconsciously give those around you permission to feel their own grief, too, and you won’t feel like you’re alone in it anymore.” You just might find that a friend’s gone through similar pain and has some pointers for you. © 2020 Leaf Group Ltd. / Leaf Group Media, All Rights Reserved. © 2020 Leaf Group Ltd. / Leaf Group Media, All Rights Reserved. Yes, you may have nearly had to put them in a headlock to take their phone away, but ultimately, your friend will realize that it's probably for the best. Your friend needs to grieve the loss of his ex. Think of how you would treat a close friend or family member going through a hard time. Go through it, not around it . Reaching out to her will only make him feel worse in the long run, says David Sbarra, a psychologist, cited in the article, “The Best Ways to cope With a Breakup” on the Men’sHealth website. Priest and writer Henri Nouwen urges us to love again because the heart only expands with the love we are able to pour forth. "This is not a reflection on you in any way." Encourage your friend to be patient with the healing process. This will help prevent him from wondering what his ex is doing, who she's with or how she's feeling. Maybe your ex was a really stand-up guy that would have loved you forever, but you just weren't feeling it.Â Maybe your friend's ex was secretly a felon on the run. Or maybe you’re starting a new phase of your life by changing careers or becoming an empty nester. I will buy you all your favorite junk food and send you funny videos, although I know none of it will help. Sometimes saying nothing at all—just being there, and offering a few moments of your undivided attention, being quiet, caring, and compassionate—is the best thing you can offer. Find her at, Adults Under 24: The Loneliest Age Group During COVID-19 Restrictions. It was hard for me to watch her go through this but when it was over she was fine and ready to do this love thing all over again. If your friend has contact with his ex, it can slow down the healing process. But don’t beat yourself up over it, either. Encourage your friend to get it out of their system. Once you’ve had some time to sit with your feelings, journaling can help you better organize them and give you a chance to unload any emotions that might be hard to share with others. In this…. Sometimes, the habit develops in childhood and simply doesn't go away. Is Twirling Your Hair as a Habit a Symptom of an Underlying Condition? For example, even though you might be down to bring them lunch or dinner and hang out and let them cry on the couch, you might not be down for their three a.m. wailing phone calls when you have to be up for work at five. This can be frustrating. The hard truth of going through loss is that it can change your life forever. Simply making an effort to eat and stay hydrated can go a long way. The last time I was reeling from a guy, my friends took me to a gay bar and it was an absolute blast. A wise man once said that sometimes the only thing that can repair your broken heart is actually the one that broke it in the first place, which means you. She advises being clear about whether you prefer to grieve privately, with the support of close friends or with a wide circle of people accessible through social networks. Deep breathing, meditation, and exercise can be great ways to preserve your energy. My best guy friend told me, "I could see being this upset if you weren't such a catch and he was your last hope. They will offer some insight on finding a way back to happiness. There will be good and bad days; healing is a process. Going through a big loss or change can leave you feeling a little unsure of yourself and who you are. I found myself being a sounding board and tried not to judge allowing her to vent and cry. We've all been through breakups before, and some of us have even managed to figure out what methods of self-care work really well and which ones don't work at all. That phrase has stuck with me over the years, not only for its beauty, but its truth. It was hard to not tell her she needed to do this or that but instead realize that this time was set to be one of ups and downs in emotions and even some emotional imbalance. #4 Be patient. If you do have to watch them stalk their ex or their new flame on Facebook or even watch them actually drive to their ex's place, it'll suck (for both of you), but in that case, remind them that you're still there for them. Your friend needs to know that even though their heart has been bruised and burned from past relationships, it is okay to love again, but don’t rush it. You can do this by connecting to your body through exercise, spending time in nature, or connecting with your spiritual and philosophical beliefs. Karmic relationships are often equal parts passionate and volatile, and you may feel like you're magnetically drawn to the other person. When something is festering inside of us, whether emotional or physical, it needs to come out. Based on the Word Net lexical database for the English Language. Hemera Technologies/AbleStock.com/Getty Images, Encourage Him to Avoid Contact With His Ex, The Breakup Coach: DO's and DON'Ts for Helping a Friend Through a Breakup, Men's Health: The Best Ways to Cope With a Breakup, Dr. Jim: The LA Therapist: Recovering From a Breakup. It is possible to move forward, but it is hard work. After all, we should never be afraid to love again. While it may be temping to try to honor their every whim because you care about them so much, the truth is, they'll have to handle things on their own at some point. She writes often about the intersections between health, wellness, and the science of human behavior. Protect them. But maybe there was a time when someone helped you during a breakup. The Wisdom of a Broken Heart: How to Turn the Pain of a Breakup Into Healing, Insight, and New Love Through her gentle, encouraging wisdom, Susan … Reach out to your friend and let him know that he is not alone. Go on a long drive, turn up the music in your Sad Songs mix (wait, am I the only person who has a playlist dedicated to sad songs? If he needs to spend some time alone, respect his decision. Remind your friend there are people in his life who care about him. Sit down and make a list of what you need, including needs for tangible and emotional support. There will be moments when you feel overcome with heartache. They are vivid and active. That said, if they only wanted to say a few words to you when it ended and aren't really into talking about it, respect their space for that, as well. That reaction equals nothing short of a heart-stabbing pain, loneliness, and seemingly eternal hopelessness. Right now, when your friend is feeling all of the bad feels, they won't be able to stop themselves from doing something stupid, so you, as a good friend, should. They are likely to feel confused, in addition to feeling sad and, ultimately, angry. These two situations are obviously drastically different, but the point is that all situations are different, so there's no point comparing. For example, you might tell him that he is funny, smart or athletic. Remind them that they will never feel better if they are in denial about what has happened or ignore how they are feeling about it. [Read: Finding love again – A lesson on hope]. And finally, help your friend to understand that they did nothing wrong; maybe their ex did nothing wrong too. Take them to do a new activity (beach volleyball, a pottery class, or a paddleboarding lesson) to get their mind of What's-His-Face or She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named. Your friend needs to deal with their emotions in order to get through this tough time, so encourage them to tackle them head-on. As he grieves, he may experience a variety of feelings, such as sadness, anger, rejection and confusion. [Read: 12 reasons why the no contact rule is the best way forward]. If you are one of those people that has a lot of life experience, you may want to share it all with your friend in need.
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